The Most Common Causes of Holiday Stress & How to Cope

The most common causes of holiday stress – and how you can cope

By Shelley Lafferty, MSW, AASW, LCSW, Northeastern Center Angola Outpatient Director

‘Tis the season to feel stressed. Yes, you read that correctly.

Nearly nine out of 10 U.S. adults say something causes them stress during the holiday season, according to a poll by the American Psychological Association. In the same poll, 41% of adults said their stress levels increase during the holiday season compared to other times of year.

The chart below shows the 10 top causes of stress during the holiday season, according to the respondents. The bad news is that you’re likely to feel stressed by one or more of these reasons. The good news? We’re gifting you with a list of options to help you cope.

Financial Stress

Around the holidays, financial stress is amplified. While it may feel like the season revolves around gifts and spending, keep in mind that the most impactful moments in our lives are often based on experiences, not things. When we look back, we recall the events and how we felt versus the cost of items. Keep the focus on engaging with each other by being present and supporting one another.

Here are some additional ideas you could try:

Instead of a gift exchange, consider including games or creative activities as part of your holiday gatherings.
If you are exchanging gifts, try a secret Santa drawing so that everyone buys a gift for just one other person. Be sure to set a financial cap so that all participants are working with the same amount.
Consider homemade gifts that may have significance to the recipient, such as food and/or recipes.
Stick to your budget and remember that you are never obligated to spend beyond your means. Even small gifts will let people know you appreciate them.

The Perfect Gift

Gifting can also lead into stress around finding the “perfect” item. To help alleviate some pressure, ask your family or friends for wish lists (within your budget). Rather than sharing specific items, they could write down their favorite sports team, color, food, etc.

Or, one of the most valuable gifts you can give is your time. You could offer to help with a project, make dinner or watch their kids/animals so they can have time to themselves.

Loss or Distance

Many people enjoy being with loved ones during the holiday season, but physical distance and/or loss can change the way you celebrate. Whether you’re unable to travel or grieving the loss of a loved one this year, you can’t expect the holidays to feel the same. Set realistic expectations for how this season will be different.

Some other ideas to help:

Adapt or add traditions to address these changes and honor your loved ones.
If observing the holiday feels inauthentic right now, don’t force yourself to celebrate.
Connect with others who understand. Seek out or continue going to therapy support groups, or groups in your faith community.
Let others know what you need in terms of solutions or support, and what that looks like to you (going for a walk, getting coffee, seeing a movie, etc.).
Consider other ways to connect with important people in your life. This could include sending holiday cards, or hosting “Friendsgiving” or “Friendsmas” when you can’t be with family.

Overwhelm and Conflict

Among the APA’s list of common holiday stressors are several related items: having too much to do, feeling pressure to make the holiday special, feeling left out/excluded, and experiencing or anticipating family conflict.

All of these items can create internal and external conflict. When this happens, be sure to set realistic expectations and make a plan.

A few reminders:

It’s OK to say no. You can decline invitations for any reason, any time of year. This is an example of a boundary you set with yourself and others.
It’s OK to ask for help and contribution from others. Delegate tasks like preparing food or wrapping presents.
Prioritize what brings you joy. Sometimes that means adapting your personal expectations or saying no when it feels like an obligation to attend.
Accept your limitations and be patient with others too. Try to see others’ points of view and recognize that we’re all feeling at least a little stressed right now.
Make sure you include yourself in your plans and prioritize yourself with the same intentions.
You may choose not to celebrate at all. It’s OK if you spend the holidays having a movie marathon, reading a book, napping, etc.
No matter your plans, communicate intentions to friends and family early in the holiday season so everyone knows what to expect.

Food and Drink

While it’s common to eat and drink with others during the holiday season, these activities are not joyous for everyone. If you struggle with disordered eating or have concerns with alcohol, you’ll need to plan ahead.

A few things to consider:

Know your triggers. Stressful patterns can occur during any holiday. Even new situations can be triggers.
Ask yourself, “Is what I’m about to do going to make it worse?”
Know when you need to leave a party or situation.
Don’t numb or avoid your feelings by using alcohol or other substances, which worsen anxiety and depression.
If possible, have an accountability partner available. This could be a trusted friend or family member, or your sponsor.

Travel

Whether you’re going out of necessity or for fun, the holiday season is the busiest (and therefore most stressful) time of year to travel.

A few tips for a less stressful travel experience:

Simplify your plans whenever possible. Try to select direct flights or minimal stops.
Expect delays. Have a backup plan in case you find yourself stuck in traffic or stuck waiting at an airport.
If you’re driving, take plenty of breaks to recharge.
Have music, books, audiobooks, games, etc., to help pass the time.
Set boundaries around requests for your time. You probably won’t be able to see everyone or do everything in one trip.

Holiday Help

For support and guidance through the holiday season, and every season, Northeastern Center is here for you. If you’re in need of mental health support, call one of our outpatient offices or check out our schedule for new clients.

If you or a loved one are experiencing a mental health crisis, even on a holiday, we also have 24/7 emergency services. Call the Emergency Solutions team at 1-800-790-0118 for immediate assistance.